Why Suffering in Silence Is Slowly Killing Marriages-Especially in the Church

Many are suffering in silence, but you’d never know it by looking at them.

They’re the couple who show up to church together, maybe even hold hands during worship. They post anniversary photos with polished captions. They serve. They smile. They seem fine.

But behind closed doors? There’s a quiet ache. Conversations are functional, not intimate. Nights are silent. Conflict is avoided, not resolved. One or both partners feel deeply alone… while lying in the same bed.

I’ve had more of these conversations than I can count. People I’ve known for years finally whisper: “We’ve been struggling for a long time… but no one knows.”

They are suffering in silence. And it breaks my heart every single time.

The Unspoken Struggle

In faith communities especially, there’s this subtle but powerful pressure to keep things looking “together.” We’ve spiritualized the silence. We say things like:

• “God will work it out.”

• “We just need to pray more.”

• “It’s not that bad.”

But statistics and real-life experiences paint a different picture.

A study by the Institute for Family Studies found that over half of married adults have considered divorce, with 28% having thought about it in the past six months. Yet, most of these couples never seek help. They suffer silently—sometimes for years—believing it’s better to fake peace than face the truth.

In faith-based environments, this silence is even louder. The stigma around therapy, the fear of judgment, and the belief that needing help is a sign of failure all create a perfect storm for disconnection to thrive in secret.

Why Do We Suffer In Silence?

There are usually three reasons couples stay quiet:

1. Shame

We think: “What would people think if they knew we were struggling?”
But here’s the truth: Struggling doesn’t mean failing. It means you’re human. It means there’s something worth fighting for.

2. Hopelessness

Maybe you tried counseling once. Maybe it didn’t help. Maybe you felt like you were the only one trying. That can make trying again feel pointless.
But healing often comes not from the first step, but the right step, taken at the right time, in the right community.

3. Pride

We tell ourselves, “We should be able to figure this out on our own.”
Yet marriage was never designed to be navigated in isolation. We weren’t meant to fix what’s broken by pretending it isn’t.

Ask Yourself This

Let me ask you something hard, but necessary:

• Are you suffering in silence?

• What would happen if nothing changed for the next five years?

• What do you stand to lose by staying silent—and what might you gain by speaking up?

Sometimes, we suffer in silence not because we don’t want change, but because we’re scared of what change might require. Vulnerability. Honesty. Effort. But what’s on the other side of that courage? Healing. Intimacy. Growth.

You can’t have one without the other.

You Don’t Have To Suffer In Silence

You don’t have to broadcast your struggles. You don’t need to explain yourself to the world. But you do need a space—a safe space—where you don’t have to pretend. Where you can get the tools, support, and wisdom to move forward.

That’s why we created the Denoli Community. It’s not just a group. It’s a lifeline. It’s a place where couples can learn, heal, and grow together and individually, without shame, without judgment, and without the pressure to be perfect.

If this article stirred something in you, if you felt seen—even a little—know this:
You’re not alone.
You’re not broken beyond repair.
And there is more for you than silent suffering.

It’s not too late to speak.
It’s not too late to rebuild.
It’s not too late to become the couple God intended you to be.

Let this be the first brave step.