1. Marriage IS Work
But not how you’d think. The only “work” I have to do is to not try and change my husband. Only God can do that. Instead, I have to be open to learning, growing…and then doing better with what I’ve learned. Because some aspects of marriage point out work that needs to be done in ME, not him. So the “work” therein lies in being open to “Holy Spirit scrutiny”.
2. My Flaws Are Magnified
Speaking of being open to scrutiny…
I’ve never considered myself a perfect person; no one believes that about themselves. However, many of my flaws were not unearthed until I got married. I say it all the time, Oli is the only person that God can use to show me about myself…ALL about myself! THAT, at times, is downright embarrassing, hurtful, frustrating, and annoying! But necessary.
3. Sometimes You Gotta Take One For The Team
My husband and I make up this team called marriage. Sometimes for the good of the TEAM, we have to be willing to let some things go. Sure, some things may not turn out exactly as I️’d desired…but if it helps the TEAM win, then it’s a good thing. Selfishness is not a good fit for the TEAM.
4. One Size Does Not Fit All
You may admire other couples’ marriages. You may even glean some helpful information or advice from them. But at the end of the day, every marriage is unique. I have to figure out what will work for MY marriage and not try someone else’s marriage on for size. More than likely, it won’t fit.
5. Tough Conversations ARE Tough, But Necessary
One surefire way to NOT resolve issues in my marriage is to not talk about them. In the past, my comfort zone was not talking about everything and hoping that whatever the problem was would just blow over. Yeah…that typically didn’t go over very well. Marriage has taught me (and is still teaching me) that I️ need to figure out how to effectively express my concerns. Having a conversation is, at the very least, a start to a resolution.
What things have you learned from your marriage? Take a little time to contemplate all that you’ve learned so far.
Even the seemingly negative things can be beneficial.
Oliver & Denise Marcelle are the founders of Denoli, LLC (speaking, facilitating, and mentoring/coaching). They have been married for 20 years and have 3 children.
Through seminars, a podcast, videos and social media posts, they offer a candid look into their own marriage, with the goal being to encourage couples and help them explore, grow and learn together.
It is their belief that all relationships stand a chance, if given the right tools.
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