No matter how long you have been married, you can still grow! There is still more to learn about your spouse. Keep feeding your marriage with love and honesty, and you will continue to see growth! Don’t allow Satan to use your past to keep you from fully accepting the ‘present’ that God has given you! (tweet this)
My wife was laying on me the other day, taking a break from the hustle and bustle of the day just for a few moments. She turned to me and began to share something with me, something that I did not know about her, something that opened the door for us to grow a little closer that day…
It was Wednesday, the day after our date night. We were still ‘basking in the glow’ of what was a great night (let the church say…LOL)…
Anyway, back to the post…
She shared with me that our past (before we got married) causes her level of intimacy at times to be inhibited.
Let me give some background…
God has blessed us to have what I believe to be a great marriage. We are not perfect, and we have our hangups just like everyone else, but our friendship is genuine, our bond is strong, and that has blossomed over the years into a very deep love. But my wife still has some inhibitions…
The ‘our past’ that she is referring to is the choice to be sexually intimate before we got married. Now I don’t want to get too deep into this because this will be a future singles post, but know this:
Your past [relationships] WILL have some direct impact on your future [marriage], in one way or another. Some will feel that impact worst than others, but there WILL be some effect! (free advice to all those not married yet…)
I won’t divulge all of the conversation that we had, but I do want to focus on the growth we experienced that day…
We were able to talk about forgiveness, self-forgiveness.
We came to the conclusion that we cannot let the past keep us from experiencing all that God has so mercifully allowed us to have in each other. God has already forgiven us for the way we started (1 John 1:9), and has honored our decision to start afresh. He has offered us the peace, and liberation that comes along with forgiveness, but we have a hard time walking in that liberation. This is because we have not forgiven ourselves!
If you are dealing with past hurts, mistakes, relationship residue, etc, give it over to God! Accept the forgiveness and liberation that is yours for the taking, and FORGIVE YOURSELF!!
My wife put it this way in a Facebook post shortly after our conversation:
“But by not forgiving ourselves, we sometimes get stuck in a rut. Now, what should have taken just a few minutes to move on has literally taken YEARS. (paraphrasing Oliver Marcelle) Mmm mmm mmm! So let it go, family; tho your sins be as scarlet…”
So…take her advice…let it go…and grow!
Oliver & Denise Marcelle are the founders of Denoli, LLC (speaking, facilitating, and mentoring/coaching). They have been married for 20 years and have 3 children.
Through seminars, a podcast, videos and social media posts, they offer a candid look into their own marriage, with the goal being to encourage couples and help them explore, grow and learn together.
It is their belief that all relationships stand a chance, if given the right tools.
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