My husband and I were having a discussion and we have decided to bring it to you…We would like to hear from you on this subject…
Oli & I were talking a couple days ago & our conversation left me questioning…
This conversation started because of a reality tv show that we were watching. The couples on this show were dealing with this issue and it sparked a conversation.
Here’s the hypothetical scenario:
Let’s say we are very close friends with another married couple. Us wives hang out together, the husbands hang out together, we watch each other’s kids, vent to each other, pray with each other, etc…
Now…if the husband of the other couple confides in Oli that he has been unfaithful, is it unreasonable for me to expect Oli to tell me? Oli said that it is unreasonable & would not tell me! Keep in mind that Oli & I talk about EVERYTHING. I would think that this would be no different. Don’t you think so? Why or why not?
Before you answer, let me give you his view on this:
Oli believes that if the husband confides in him that it is not his/our place to introduce that issue to the other couple. He stated that he would encourage his friend to man up and let his wife know and make a tremendous effort to make things ‘right’. One main reason why he would not share what was told to him with me is because, as he put it, “I know that you would immediately go and tell his wife! That is not our place to bring this subject up with them…He (the husband) is responsible for telling his wife, and I would strongly encourage him to do so.” He also however, believes that there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to handle it per se, but we tend to create a ‘right and wrong’ answer based on our judgment of the person(s) as it relates to our own moral compass.
So, what do you think? Is it our responsibility to introduce the topic, or would we be out of place?
(Hopefully this will spark up a healthy dialogue, and not start an argument between you and your spouse…that IS NOT our intent.) 🙂
Oliver & Denise Marcelle are the founders of Denoli, LLC (speaking, facilitating, and mentoring/coaching).
They have been married for 22 years, have 3 children and 1 grandchild.
Through seminars, a podcast, videos, and social media posts, they offer a candid look into their own marriage, with the goal being to encourage couples and help them explore, grow and learn together.
Oliver and Denise can help you build the relationship of your dreams, both personally and professionally.
Book Denoli for your next event!
I agree with your hubby!!! If he told you…you would immediately go to the wife…its not your/our cross to bear… He knows he is wrong & he WILL be held accountable… If you add your 2 cents…that’s adding fuel to the fire…hence causing confusion in your own marriage… I have secrets that I share with my Bestie…only…but nothing that my husband would have to question my character or judgement. Sometimes we (women) don’t know when to leave well enuff alone… This is 1 time I would let my hubby lead!
Shannon and Matt,I’m so glad you have a pool nearby to jump into and that Oliver loved it so much. Hopefully Matt’s shdlcuee will keep allowing him to jump into the pool on these hot days. This is my first post on your blog but I’ve been thinking about you more and more in the past month. I just read the last dozen or so posts to see how everyone is doing. You must feel pretty good about all you’ve accomplished as a family this summer. So much to be proud of. Praying,Andrew Pfeiffer(India ’97)