Consistent Feasibility vs. Convenient Features!

posted in: Rant & Rave | 2
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I am by default an Apple product person. However, over the years I have had the opportunity to use both iOS and Android devices. I love the very clean user interface and experience that Apple provides, but I also love the ‘open platform’  that the Android OS promotes. Feature-rich functionality is very important to me because I feel like a I use my mobile device considerably more than the average person. I am that guy  – I pretty much utilize every feature that a device provides. I would even jailbreak or root my devices to add features that were not originally designed to be part of the OS. When I left Apple and went to an Android powered device, it was for the abundance of things that i could do with the device (some of which I could not do using iOS). However, while I owned the Android device, I also had an Apple device that I was heavily dependent on. I had all these features and I loved the fact that I had access to all of them, but when it came time to use them in conjunction with my other device, I was having issues. Here is an example of just one of the issues: I rely on mobile video since we don’t have camera equipment. It was difficult to edit video across two different platforms.

So…Here are my options: Either I was going to enjoy the open, unrestricted Android platform and give up my need for continuity, OR I was going to enjoy the ‘peace’ that comes with minimal issues, at the expense of giving up some features that I’ve grown accustom to.

I had to make a choice. I had to choose between consistent feasibility and convenient features!

Often in marriage we must make the same choice – That is if you want a successful marriage! Vocabulary.com defines feasibility as “The quality of being doable.”  We have to determine what things can be eliminated from our ‘deal-breakers’ category in order ensure the feasibility of a successful marriage.  Because let’s be honest – some of our ‘deal-breakers’ are not reasonable. We cannot always ‘have our cake and eat it too’ so to speak. Your husband is a knight in shining armor, but he doesn’t make enough money to support the kind of baller lifestyle you want. Your wife is a phenomenal woman but she doesn’t cook certain dishes the way your mom does. Are those things worth dismantling what you have established thus far? Now you have choice to make – Are these convenient features worth enough to jeopardize your consistent feasibility?

Am I suggesting that you lower your standards or forego your needs? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

What I am suggesting is that we adjust our focus. Focus on the things that will make your marriage work, even if it means relinquishing some of your ‘convenient features’!

What ‘features’ are you holding onto that are hindering the consistent feasibility of your marriage being a success?

 

 

2 Responses

  1. Avatar
    Tyra

    This is my dilemma. My husband was raised by women. He is a truck driver. He does the grocery shopping, cooks, cleans, mows the lawn and does the laundry. I am my County Director. I found our first home, purchased our first car, learned how to cut our sons hair and manage the finances. I decide when/where we go for our vacation/anniversary. We will be married 26 years next month. In my line of work, most men possess the leadership qualities and skills that my husband lack. I’ve tried stepping back and giving him the opportunity to make major decisions and handling important matters, but he either procrastinates (i.e. getting leak in bathroom ceiling fixed, car serviced) or comes up with excuses as to why he wasn’t able to follow through. The flip side is I know that he loves me. He not only tells me that he does on a regular basis, but he still wants to hold my hand whenever we are out together. He compliments all the time. He loves spending time with me and we have fun together. I never have to wonder where he is or what he he is doing. I’ve had several women tell me how blessed or lucky I am, but there are times when I feel that I have 3 sons instead of two, that it will feel great to have a handy man around to fix things. Before we got married, my girlfriend told me that you can’t have everything so I settled for a 26 year old moma’s boy who is now a 54 year old needy man.

    • omarcelle
      omarcelle

      Thank you for being willing to share this with us.
      There are many marriages where the typically defined roles are reversed and it works just fine.
      However, it sounds like (based on the word ‘settled’) you didn’t want that to be the case but chose to accept it.
      There is nothing wrong with wanting him to step up to the plate so to speak and make some big decisoons. There is nothing wrong with wanting him to he handy around the house. However, your approach (after 26 years) will have to be carefully thought out. You will need to ease into it.
      Start by including him in portions of the decision making process, maybe giving him the ‘last say’ after presenting the choices. You may have to ‘assign’ very minor tasks, things that you know will be accomplished. When they are completed, you have to make him feel like the king of the world! Nothing moves a man like respect and admiration.
      As for the handyman jobs, you may need to start by making them projects that you complete together. This allows for quality time and the opportunity to maybe ‘teach’ a new skill in the process. Strategically create scenarios that he and the boys work through together.
      You have 26 years under your belt with someone that you have described as a mam who loves you and someone you have fun with. Now work together strategically to make these next 26 even better!
      Please feel free to email us (admin@marriageisourministry.com) if you would like to dialogue further about this.

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