Marriage: Before and After

posted in: Rant & Rave, For Singles | 0
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marriage before and afterI read many articles highlighting the things that the author wishes he or she knew before getting married. Since there is really no scripted way of preparing for what you will [fully] experience in marriage, there can be some level of ‘surprise’. There is going to be (in my opinion) something that you did not realize about your spouse until after you say “I Do”.
It seems as though we (and I am guilty of this as well) want everything in our lives to evolve except our spouses. People change, circumstances change, people change to adapt to circumstantial changes etc… I had to learn that everything does not stay the same and that instead of getting bent out of shape and causing more damage, I should look for ways to incorporate the changes into the bond that I am striving to create with my spouse.
Now obviously you don’t want things to change for the worse, and if they do then we need to take active steps to resolve issues that arise (That is a different topic altogether). However, most of us (again, myself included) sometimes get hung up on the little things:
  • she used to cook all the time and now she does not, or doesn’t make that dish like I like, or like my mom
  • he used to intentional about his neatness but now takes his shoes off and leaves them at the front door
  • she only cleans the bathroom once a week when I expected that she would do it everyday
  • he waits till the garbage is spilling over to take it out
  • she used to exercise all the time and now stopped and gained 5 pounds
  • etc etc etc

We have to keep in mind that although we are ‘one’, we are two different people with two different personalities and character traits.  Sometimes your spouse is not going to act, respond, etc the exact way that you want them too. They may at times display some characteristics that you may not have noticed before marriage. But, all is not lost…You are also two people with God given intelligence and the ability to reason and communicate. Use those God-given skills to come to a better understanding of each other. Learn to accept the fact that you will have to compromise, and adjust.

I would also dare say that (and this is for singles) you need to have some candid conversations BEFORE you get married…(we’ll talk about that another time…)

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