When I see God face to face, the question that will possibly be at the top of my list of questions is…
Why did you make men and women soooooo different?!?!?!?
Albert Einstein said, “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
I remember asking my wife (before we got married) to make sure that she did not change. I assured her that I would not change either. At the the time that I asked her this, I was not thinking about the total package…just a few aspects that I felt were (and still are) important to MY well-being.
(no arguing, being supportive of my dreams, always communicate, lots of sex, etc…in case you were wondering what those things were)
Although I don’t always want to admit it, change in marriage is inevitable. It is up to us to determine the type/course of that change, i.e. for better, or for worse (no pun intended).
I believe men definitely change, but the differences between men and women are reflected in the way that we ‘change’. Men evolve, whether it be academically, professionally, or even physically, but the core ‘fundamentals’ of what we wanted at the beginning of a marriage for the most part do not change. Women evolve as well but unlike men, every aspect of that evolution is intertwined with the other. It is a package deal. As she evolves, her mental state of being is also effected, thus possibly effecting any actions that may be tied up in that package…that is NOT how we do it on Mars!! LOL
I believe that the disappointment that Einstein is referring to is due to the fact that neither party changed in the manner that the other thought they should have. Some of the things that my wife ‘loved’ about me before we got married are not (in my opinion) the same things that she loves about me now. I have evolved to some degree, but have not changed…
My wife’s evolution however, has indeed fostered change in her life. There are some things that she does now that she did not do 10+ years ago (and vice versa). We were having a discussion about something the other day and she stated “that was 15 years ago”, and in my mind the time frame had no bearing on the discussion…lol
I could list 1000 (maybe more like 100…lol) differences between men and women, and more specifically between Niesy and myself…but…
The reality however, is that I would not be happy with her if she was ‘from Mars’. Some of the very differences that may frustrate me are the things that make her uniquely her! And…I LOVE her!! Just the the way she is…
I guess my real question to God would be:
How did you manage to take 2 different people, put them together, and cause the uniqueness of our differences to be the very glue that binds us together?
There will ALWAYS be differences in your marriage…ACCEPT IT!! The keys to your success in marriage is in embracing, and learning how to manage those differences and for lack of a better way to say it ‘use them to your advantage’
As far as change is concerned, don’t get caught in changing the other person, that is a sole proprietorship . Marriage is a partnership, and you should be concentrated on growing together…IMHO
Oliver & Denise Marcelle are the founders of Denoli, LLC (speaking, facilitating, and mentoring/coaching). They have been married for 20 years and have 3 children.
Through seminars, a podcast, videos and social media posts, they offer a candid look into their own marriage, with the goal being to encourage couples and help them explore, grow and learn together.
It is their belief that all relationships stand a chance, if given the right tools.
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