I recently answered a question on Quora, and felt that it needed to be shared with everyone…
Here is the question:
Is it better to remain in a marriage of 40 years with a husband who loves you but you don’t feel the same? Or lose your husband because you cannot stop yourself from being with a man who will probably never commit?
This answer is based on the assumption that you loved him at some point in marriage…
The very first thing you need to do is let go of the other man! It doesn’t matter what anyone suggests if you continue to allow that distraction to remain present in your life. That is like trying to walk in two different directions at the same time…you are going to have to give in to one or the other eventually. Get rid of him!
Next you have to go through a rebuilding process…a make-over of sorts…
Mentally return to the time in your life that your husband was the love of your life and answer these questions about that period in time:
At that time, what was happening in every dimension of your life (physically, mentally, spiritually etc)?
What was it about him that you loved?
What was the initial incident, thought etc that cause the disconnection process to begin?
Once you have the answers to these questions you now have a foundation as it were to beginning the rebuilding process. Create/recreate the scenarios that brought out the passion you had for him (in every area). Talk to him/be candid about the things that are obstacles or hindrances to that passion.
Eat together, have sex often, communicate your fears and desires, and if you pray, pray together…put yourself wholly into the rebuilding process.
40 years is a phenomenal, but also almost unheard of feat! It is a trophy to the success potential of marriage! You hopefully would not throw a trophy away because it has collected dust…you would do what needs to be done to clean, polish and restore it to its luster.
My wife and I are praying and rooting for you!
Oliver & Denise Marcelle are the founders of Denoli, LLC (speaking, facilitating, and mentoring/coaching). They have been married for 20 years and have 3 children.
Through seminars, a podcast, videos and social media posts, they offer a candid look into their own marriage, with the goal being to encourage couples and help them explore, grow and learn together.
It is their belief that all relationships stand a chance, if given the right tools.
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