DJ Red Alert

posted in: In the Bedroom | 7

dj red alertIt’s pretty personal and Yes, I AM about to go there…(you have been warned…lol)


An ‘issue’ that I have never heard discussed in any marriage/sex seminar (at least not in a spiritual forum) is the issue of sex during menstruation.  When I told my wife that I was considering writing on this topic she said “Issue?!? That is not an issue!”  It very well may not be an issue to us, or the majority of our readers, but I have read many articles debating whether this is ok or not, articles outlining how to do it etc. I have also looked at it from a biblical standpoint (read Leviticus 20:18), and have also read certain views that suggest that this was an Old Testament law that we are no longer governed by. Everything that I have read leads me to believe that is could be an issue in some circles.

I will let you determine all of that on your own…I want to angle this topic in a different direction…

As for my wife and I, sex is not an option when ‘dj red alert’ (my pet name for it) is around. So, for a man such as myself, one who needs ‘frequent ‘activity’, how do we ‘cope’ during that week off? I can hear many women echoing the same statement…COPE?!? Really?!?


My wife and I are going to share from our individual perspectives on this…

His View

I was notorius for being visibly bent out of shape during that time of the month! It always seemed to (and still does) come at the time where I was the most ‘in need’!  I chose as a result to distance myself somewhat because I knew that at the end of the touching, kissing, affectionate rainbow there was no sex. So, why bother…

All this did was create more tension to the point that when Red Alert was gone my wife was not ‘feeling’ me enough to be excited about having the green light to get busy. Something had to change…

And guess what had to change?? ME!!

I realized something…If I did that exact opposite: I was affectionate, touching, holding, kissing etc, that the time seemed to go by quicker than I expected. And when we had the greent light…well, lets just say zero to 60 in les than…LOL. It was not an overnight change for me, but (and guys here is the ‘strategy for handling most things with your wife) the more I became intentional about not concentrating on my needs and highlighting hers, the better the time period (no pun intended) became.

As with any ‘issue’ within a marriage, things are much better when you communicate. I had to learn to express my ‘disappointment’ like an adult, and subsequently deal with it as such. So now, when DJ Red Alert shows up I am no longer sulking over her being unavailable…

As silly or trivial as this may seem to some folk, it is sometimes these ‘issues’ that we allow to fester and mushroom into larger ones. We have to be willing to communicate with our spouses about everything, big or small…


Her View

This is an uncomfortable topic for me to write about; can’t really believe this guy wants to go there… BUT we said that we’d be transparent, in the hopes that others would see that real marriages aren’t always “pearly white” & have real “issues” (although, like Oli said…I really don’t think that this is an “issue”.  It just is what it is and has to be lived with.  Not trying to be insensitive, but we can’t change how God has designed us…).

I really don’t have much to say.  The only thing I can say is that early on in our marriage, he would be upset, irritated, withdrawn, frustrated when I became “unavailable”.  His reaction in turn fueled MY reaction.  I too became all of those things.  Not because of my unavailability, but because of HIS reaction!  So he’s right, when the light turned green, it was difficult for me not to let by-gones be by-gones, flip the switch and just be ready!

Oli said that he has changed; and he really has (praise GOD lol!!!).  However, I believe that I also changed.  I began to be more attentive, more affectionate, more intimate during the times when I WAS available.  I became more understanding and less selfish, which is what I prayed for.  We BOTH prayed about it.  I prayed that I’d be more understanding; he prayed that HE’D be more understanding.  I believe that God used the willingness of both of us to change us for the better.  No longer do I dread “that week”, knowing that it would be a week of barely speaking to each other, much less looking at each other.  No longer do I feel like screaming at him to relax, chill out & get over it.  No longer do I internally shake my head incredulously at the drama of it all – on his part, of course 😉


We’re good now…and that’s all we have to say, folks!

Hopefully no one is offended by the topic.  It is real life, after all…


Bottom line: Regardless of how big or small, everything should be talked about! Don’t let things fester and grow into insurmountable issues. Pray for, and seek change. Be unselfish, and intentional about meeting the needs of your spouse…ALL of them!


God Bless

7 Responses

  1. Avatar
    • Oliver

      Thanks Nordia!

  2. Avatar
    Monifa Wilds

    Wonderful article!

    • Oliver

      Thank you Monifa!

  3. Avatar
    Chris Man

    Good topic. Not something I have thought about lately, but have definitely thought about this before. It’s amazing how we think of the Biblical law first and then when it gets tough (for men) we men might say the law doesn’t apply; or at least not as much. I can understand the reason behind the law. But when we men want to have a “release” we can look for anything; and our wives are the vehicle (no pun intended) to assist us with this.

    Now, I personally try to stay away during that time of the month, but have found it difficult. Maybe during the “Wife’s week off” she can take some initiative to pleasure her hard working husband in saaaay some other creative ways???

    Let’s touch on the “week off” for a second. Do women feel like they need a week off from such pleasure? Do wives feel like they don’t need to be pleasured by their husbands during that week? If not, I wonder, but I do understand that women may not feel as sexual either. I know this is the case and yes I’m confident in my analysis LOL. Is sex considered “work” for wives??? Be honest.

    I think this is a perfect topic to bring up in a group session, but this may be too much so the Internet may be the best medium.

  4. Avatar

    My hubby and I find different ways to have fun during that time of the month but for some women being moody, tired, crampy and just plain miserable can hamper things. I think wives should try to explore other options but husbands need to be more patient and understanding as well. I can testify of this personally, the way my husband cares for me during that time directly affects the way I respond to him once it’s over. If he becomes impatient and unkind, my time of the month just might be extended indefinitely. I’m sorry I have yet to learn how to have sex with a monster. You know your wife, if she is usually ready to meet your needs but seems out of it, be understanding! That is the way you show that you love her!

  5. Avatar

    Btw The last part of my previous message was not directed at you Oliver!

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