The #1 complaint that we heard before we got married, and still hear to this day (mostly from men), is that sex doesn’t happen often enough. Some are making this statement due to their large appetite for sex and the fact that, regardless of the frequency, it is not being satisfied. For others the complaint is that what was an ‘oceanic waterfall’ is now a ‘tiny brook’. As we were researching information on the subject, we realized that there are an increasingly large number of women who complain about this as well. The bottom line is that a whole bunch of people are dissatisfied with the frequency of sex in their marriages.
So, how much is not enough?? You can read a hundred different articles and get that many different answers. In one of his blogs, Dr. Mehmet Oz says that the average amount of sexual activity for couples under the age of 30 is twice a week and for couples over 50, once a week. Then there are those who say that frequency is relative; couples with stressful jobs, hectic schedules, children, etc. will obviously have sex less than couples who do not have these variables at play. In his series Love, Sex & Relationships, Dr. R.A. Vernon says that women need to have everything in order, feel a sense of security, etc. in order to be able to ‘go there’. Whereas everything in the world does not have to be alright for men to be in the mood. Stress, financial issues, kids, work, body image etc effect men and women in very different ways.
For those of you who are curious about our personal situation (since we promised to be transparent), my (Oliver) answer can be summed up in the title of an old James Bond film…THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH….LOL. Meanwhile, MY (Denise) answer can be summed up with another James Bond film…EVERYTHING OR NOTHING…(can you tell we are James Bond fans? lol)
Seriously though, how much is not enough?? For those who feel they are not having enough sex, we will explore in later posts how to improve the frequency…
Oliver & Denise Marcelle are the founders of Denoli, LLC (speaking, facilitating, and mentoring/coaching). They have been married for 20 years and have 3 children.
Through seminars, a podcast, videos and social media posts, they offer a candid look into their own marriage, with the goal being to encourage couples and help them explore, grow and learn together.
It is their belief that all relationships stand a chance, if given the right tools.
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